Feeling a bit lost today. Lacking motivation of any sort, whatsoever. This is quite likely due to the fact that I have had a horrible migraine headache for three days. Last night I laid in bed contemplating a trip to the ER for pain medicine. Seriously.
I'm nearing my highest weight. This is simply not good, not acceptable. I think I weighed less the day I gave birth. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm a third of the way through treatment for serious b12, d and iron deficiencies. I'm not as easily out of breath anymore, which is awesome. At least this will make exercise a possibility and to be honest, I was starting to really worry about silent reflux.
In February 2010 I had a lap band placed and I dropped better than 100 pounds, give or take 4 or 5 pounds on any given day. I was weight training, religiously, so I looked like I weighed a heck of a lot less. I even ran a half marathon. A couple years later I was overjoyed to be pregnant, despite a laundry list of complications I kept gains to a minimum. Flash forward to a premie born by emergency c-section and a really rough recovery... I gained more than I did during the pregnancy.
So... here is the positive part... I know what I'm doing. Right? I know what, should in theory, work. I know how to get where I need to go... so... why am I not doing it? Mostly, because it's overwhelming. I'm not single with time at my disposal. I used to hit the gym at lunch to run, quick shower than back after work to weight train and sometimes more cardio. I had the disposable income for a personal trainer and a swanky gym membership. Now let's be clear the level of swank one's gym attains doesn't make a bloody difference in the quality of one's workout. But, the super soft towels, Molton Brown shower gel & impeccably clean locker rooms certainly made for nice ambiance. I do like ambiance. I also really like impeccably clean - a lot. Anyway, this can no longer be an excuse. Nice memory, though.
What I remember from this time is that I had a single minded purpose. Getting fit, getting healthy was the framework for each and every decision I made. When things were tough, I pushed forward. Every choice was made with forward motion in mind. That's what's been different the lack of forward motion- even when it's small increments - it has to remain forward. So today's forward movements were to procure a copy of Strong and sign up for an online calorie tracking site. Tomorrow's plan includes reading the book, and working out a plan of 4-6 small meals each day to fit into a prescribed set of calories and macros. That's a start. That's all anyone can do is start.
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